A letter about food to my unborn child.

Dear little, tiny, beautiful baby inside my belly,

I love you. But you are grounded the moment you enter this world. (Don't worry, I said the same thing to your big sister.) 

Here's the deal. 

You don't like anything anything I feed you. ANYTHING. But you are so hungry. You need to eat so that you can grow and become strong and healthy. I need to eat so that I can survive, therefore you can survive. We cannot live off of... well, nothing. I know you're only 9 weeks or so in there, and you have a lot going on... but I'm going to need you to get it together. We need food like we need each other. 

Okay. I love you. Let's try again tomorrow. K? 

Love, 

Your very hungry, very worn out, (did I mention hungry?) 

MOM 

In the quiet...

I lay here next to her, completely overwhelmed with emotions. I guess I assumed my heart would reach capacity one day. But every day it grows more to hold the ever growing love for this (not so) tiny human. My very best friend. She rarely sits still. But tonight, she knew her mama needed some quiet snuggle time. She knows my heart. She was watching Elmo as I was staring at her. Moments of our future flashing before my eyes. I literally had to fight the tears. Will she ever fully understand how much she has changed me? Will she ever comprehend how much I love her? 

I assume this is how God feels daily...probably questioning if we will ever fully grasp His never ending love for us... His promise for our future. 

Just like quiet snuggles are needed...  so is my need for the quiet and stillness of God's peace through His word. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” —John 16:33. 

 

I Choose Joy.

Looking back on 2016, I could be the girl who talks about how crazy of a year it has been. How terrible our world seems right now. How scared I am to raise a human in our time. How drugs and violence seem to be really out of control. I could talk about my own trials and tribulations... but instead, I want to CHOOSE JOY. 

I choose to love my family more each day. 

I choose to create. 

I choose to forgive. 

I choose to forget. 

I choose to play more in 2017.

I choose to worry less. 

I choose to be more faithful to God. 

I choose to listen to His commands. 

I choose to be patient... or I'll atleast choose to try.

I choose laughter over tears. 

I choose to fight for my dreams. 

I choose exercise.

I choose wine.

I choose my friends. 

I choose my husband. 

I choose my daughter. 

I CHOOSE Joy for 2017. 

What do you choose? 

And He said, "I Myself will make all My goodness pass before you, and will proclaim the name of the LORD before you; and I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show compassion on whom I will show compassion."

Exodus 33:19

"How blessed is the one whom You choose and bring near to You To dwell in Your courts We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple." 

Psalm 65:4

 

"When I am angry, I will seek to be kind.."

To think how far we have come since each of these pictures. Almost 9 years later... 

God presented me with the opportunity and the need to do some self reflecting as we near a decade in our beautiful journey together. I preordered a book that comes out in January that allowed me a small sample of the first 5 chapters or what the author calls challenges.  Becky Thompson's Love Unending is exactly what I needed to hit the ground running on remembering to be not only a mother, but a wife. I often find it near impossible to be good at it all...mom, wife, teacher, daughter, friend, etc... most days I feel I'm failing at at least one if not all. 

From Facebook I'm sure it seems we have it mostly together... we love each other and we basically have since day one.  But my heart knows I need work. Chapter 2 of the book is about speaking kindly. I struggle so hard with this. While I know when to hide it, my favorite words are 4 letter words, I get frustrated easily with people and things and my annoyance is very apparent. Unfortunately, my dear husband takes most of the hit. 

Speak kindly. 

It seems so simple. It was even in our wedding vows. "When I am angry, I will seek to be kind..." 

Talk about failing.  I fail daily... almost every hour, I'm sure. Life is so busy. And I use that as my excuse to be short and rude. Sometimes, because I know we love each other I feel as though I can say anything and speak any way... 

But like the book says, "Honest conversations should never be confused with the permission to be disrespectful." 

I am thankful for the opportunity to read something that puts me in my place and makes me squirm because I KNOW I'm at fault. 

I cannot WAIT to continue with these challenges. I already want to skip ahead... but I know I need to focus the way it was intended. 

The book comes out in January and you can go ahead and preorder now if you're interested. 

Love Unending by Becky Thompson

"The tone of our voices often communicates our hearts more clearly than our words ever do. And we have the power to change the nature of every interaction by speaking with a tone that conveys kindness."

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you."

 -Ephesians 4:32

Real talk- #PreKLife

It's Friday. The last day of my first full week with my PreK kids. And do you know what I'm doing? Looking at the pictures that I took this week of my PreK kids. 

I'm tired. I'm a full time working with kids mama. I'm exhausted. 

But here I am. Just feeling my heart grow by the second. I can literally feel it expanding. It will get close to reaching its capacity. It will be broken from time to time this year. It's bound to...four year olds are good at that. But my gracious, how can I already love them all so much? 

I am thankful that teaching is like child birth. I forget how little they are when they come to me. I forget from year to year that my official title for the month of August and September is "cat herder." 

(Side note: getting 19 four year olds in a line is the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen...well maybe not ever. But it's a close second.) 

Anyway. I'm thankful for the summer amnesia that exists for teachers. I'm thankful for the entire tribe of BESt coworkers that help us out throughout the day. I'm thankful for an assistant that totally understands my wide eyes and "what is happening?" comments. I'm thankful for a wonderful cleaning staff that smiles when I tell them "I'm so sorry, a kid went #2 in the urinal." (Real life) 

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Real talk: getting my life together.

(I put the cute kid on here to keep your interest level up...)

Step 1 of getting my life together: Washing my face. (Step 2 involves making the bed in the mornings... I'm only on step 1 and I can feel your judgement.) 

Disclaimer: I am NOT trying to sell you a product. I am committing to writing a review of a product. I am NOT getting paid. I am keeping a word to a friend.

Now that we have that out of the way... 

A few weeks ago I noticed a Facebook friend of mine had an amazing complexion. 

Hold up. 

I'm going to say friend of mine. Except I never see her in person. But I feel like we are besties. 1. Because she loves a selfie as much as I do. 2. I think she's a boss at owning her life. 3. She thinks my kid is super cute. Winner by my standards.

 Anywho... 

My skin was a mess. Oily all the time. Bumps galore. Maybe it was because I was 28 and still not washing my makeup off at night like I should have been doing for at least a decade or longer. 

So, I noticed her skin. Now just so you know, she's a big time sales person and rocks at it. But I didn't want to sell. I wanted the product she used. With hesitation, I asked. 

Side note: I already had an itWorks account from earlier in the year when I tried a few things and of course bought the wraps because I think those things are the shizzzz. I don't know if they actually work, but they make me feel better about myself... so that's all that really matters. 

Back to it. She told me what she used. So I got it. And I will be honest I haven't used a ton of face products religiously so I can't compare. But I can tell you that I look forward to washing my face every morning and every evening. And for me, that's a pretty big deal. 

I mean, that's a solid extra minute of sleep I could be having. 

So, after a couple of weeks she wanted me to review it for her. Of course I'm thinking, "GAHHHH all my FB friends are going to unfriend me" (which is saying a lot because I post all the stuff about er'thing and if they haven't unfriended me after 619 days of my kid pics, they were in it to win it.) 

Well, like I said before, I'm pretty sure this girl and I could be besties. So I wanted to keep my word. So here's my review. I freaking love the face wash. And the day/night time serums. I love those too. Use em... Don't use em... Whatever you think is best. But that's my review. If you want to know more, just ask. I'll point you in the right direction. 

Now please go back to your usual Facebook newsfeed scrolling. 

But first... Let me take a selfie.

 

Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. Psalm 51:2

Why not more?

So Sunday's are my favorite. I feel the most like myself, the most like the wife, mom, and person God wants me to be on Sunday. I feel the most alive on Sunday. 

I struggle so hard to keep that feeling going all week long. By the end of Monday I am already exhausted and reaching for the weekend. But I find myself NOT reaching for God. But why?  I know why I love Sunday. I relax listening to the word of God. I find joy knowing my baby girl is in a nursery down the hall that she is finally loving and is being loved on by people who love God. 

Here's my question: Why not more? 

I have a bible, I have an app, I have my voice and my thoughts, I have the ability to worship with songs... Why am I not doing more? 

Because life is too busy? Because I have a pity party when I take my kid to the sitter instead of staying cuddled for an extra hour? Excuses. I have so many excuses. And those excuses are getting in the way of me being where I feel most at home... Right in the word of Jesus. 

So going into this new week... I am going to choose more. More time with God. More time digging into the person he wants me to be. More time making sure that sweet child of mine KNOWS without a doubt that her mama loves Jesus. 

Wouldn't it be great if every single day felt easy like Sunday morning? And I think it can. I just need to work on it. 

"Your love never fails"

Nothing can separate

Even if I ran away

Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes

But You have new mercies for me everyday

Your love never fails