Saturday, October 24, 2015

The selfish side of being called "mama"

I don't remember the last time I had a good, long, no reason cry... I guess that's a good thing. I have very little in my life to cry about. Tonight, sitting at our best friends house with a child who thought two 30 min naps was enough for her today, so sleepy she couldn't keep her eyes open, and too sleepy to actually stay asleep, I felt defeated. I felt the weight of the entire world on my shoulders and all I wanted to do was sit next to my sister wife and drink a glass of wine...or 5. 

It's been a tough week. Not the toughest, trust me, I know others have it worse than me. But in general, it's been tougher than the average week.

It's football season so I see my husband less than I would like. It's almost over though, and it's been a good one. For that, I am grateful. 

My job is challenging, as most teachers jobs are, although my challenge doesn't come from stress of grades, scores, tests, and all the's  challenging in a way I honestly can't even explain. I'm sure everyone in the building just thinks we are all nuts up in room 23... Walking around all wide eyed and silent and whatnot. 

This week I felt the heartbreak of the city that lost a girl that was much too young to lose. Someone I called a friend...someone that I hadn't seen in quite some time.

The adult duties of home ownership and well...just being a clean person in general, seemed to pile on all while my precious, smart, beautiful daughter is trying to learn to walk and her ever learning mind is keeping her from falling asleep. She gets it honestly... I mean instead of sleeping right now, I'm blogging. (Do as I say, not as I do.) 

In summary...This mama is tired. The frustration came like a wildfire and the tears were the water that put it out. I was scared to admit that the devil was winning for the day. I am actually not a super human and I need to sit, nap, sleep, eat an actual meal... 

Through the tired and defeated tears I opened my Jesus Calling app and as always it didn't disappoint. 

"Lie down in green pastures of Peace. Learn to unwind whenever possible, resting in the Presence of your Shepherd. This electronic age keeps My children “wired” much of the time, too tense to find Me in the midst of their moments. I built into your very being the need for rest." 

Mind. Blown. I am thankful for the small reminders of His presence. The reminders that show up when you need them most... when your doubt and shame is casting a shadow over the truly colorful and crazy life that He has so graciously laid out ahead for us.

"By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done."
—Genesis 2:2–3

Being an adult isn't always fun, but atleast I get to love on this cute kid! 
Also a throwback shout out to these pretty girls! May you cherish every moment...Even the ones that make you cry for no reason... 
Cheers to you, Ashlyn. 😘