Monday, January 26, 2015

That magical scent...

You know the smell I'm talking about... (No, not the dirty diapers...) the one when you sniff a baby's head and it takes you to a blissful and magical place. Everyone loves it. Boys try to pretend like it doesn't exist... But it does. 

When you smell it, you forget that the world is crazy. 
You forget that one day you will have to go back to work. 
Most importantly, you forget when you smell that tiny, beautiful, baby scent that being a parent is scary as hell. 

You see, nothing is scary when you smell something that sweet... That baby smell has weird powers over people. It makes grown men talk in high pitched goo goo ga ga voices for goodness sake. 

That sweet baby smell is hope for the future...

Let me remember in these crazy times, to hold on to the quiet moment where I can hold my sweet Mollie and take in her precious baby smell... For the Lord knows, those moments won't last for long. 

Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

The days I don't feel like Supermom.

As Mollie reaches 5 weeks old, I find myself believing that I am getting the hang of the new mom stuff. My baby is happy 99.9% of the time. She rarely fusses and when she does it's because she is hungry and I'm taking too long to make a bottle or she is cold and I'm taking too long to change her outfit. We even have the nighttime sleeping stuff down pretty well. Bedtime at 10:00 and up only twice to feed. I would not call myself sleep deprived at any point this far. (Don't get me wrong... I am sleepy sometimes but not sleep deprived.) I do most of the night shifts because I'm not working right now and I'm a light sleeper, so even if Ben were to try to get up with her, I wouldn't be able to sleep. I let him take the early morning shifts on the weekend so mama can sleep in. It works out beautifully. But this post isn't about how good things are going... Because they are going great... 99.9% of the time. 

I want to talk about the days like today that come after a night like last night. Mollie wanted to hang out with me all night. I don't blame her, I'm a pretty cool person, I like to hang out with me too. (Ha!) But I would rather sleep. We played the paci game (see previous post) for about 3 1/2 hours... You know, the one where she wants it really badly but continues to spit it out and then gets super angry. It's fun. She also wouldn't finish a bottle so I knew that even if she did fall asleep it wouldn't be for long. I put her on my chest to sleep from 1:00-3:00 and that was about all we got. This leads me into the day...

We've been going to a Bible study on Wednesday mornings and of course I was tired and part of me thought, "Surely she will take naps today since she was up all night." Wrong again. My baby doesn't take naps during the day. She is afraid she will miss out on something awesome. She is awake and happy during most daylight hours. The morning was great but our day was long. She needed me...a lot. It forced me to focus on what we discussed in our Bible Study. 

Motherhood is a sacrifice. We sacrifice the times we want to watch a tv show uninterrupted. We sacrifice eating dinner with both hands. We sacrifice sleep. And God knows what else. But what we learned was that God gave us the time to be mothers. It is a gift. At times this gift is hard and we are only human and we get frustrated or tired. And I have to admit, today, I was frustrated and tired. But God knows that we are ONLY human. He never said it would be easy. He only said that we are to love our children as He loves us. He understands that we are NOT Supermom. We are just mom. I am 
just mom. He is the "super" part. We cannot do it all alone. 

Tonight, right before Ben got home from football practice, I was on the edge of tears and feeling a little worn down and exhausted for the first time in this journey. I have been on an adrenaline high and when my child needed me, (she wasn't fussy about it, she just wanted to hang out with her mom and play the paci game) I got frustrated. But I was even more frustrated that I let it get to me. She will only be this little for a short time. She will only spit her paci out a number of times before she can use her own hands to put it back in herself. She needs me. And you know what? I need her. She's brought me closer to God than I've ever been before. I can never thank her enough for that. It's okay not to be super mom. I'm her mom. And my God is guiding me through the whole crazy ride. That's all I need to know. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6

See? The paci game. :)

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Fruits of the Spirit...fruit of my labor.

find myself stating the fruits of the Spirit in my head on replay recently. As a mom, they are more prominent then ever.
Love. Check.
Peace. Check.
Joy. All the time.
Patience. Needed.
Kindness. Check. (Hard not to be kind with a squishy new baby around.)
Goodness. God's goodness.
Faithfulness. Work in progress... (I will sleep through the night one day, right?)
Gentleness. Check.
Self-control. With God's help. 

It's amazing how as a new mother, these 9 things are ever so important on a daily... No, minute by minute circumstance. So many of them come naturally in motherhood and in life in general, but patience and self control seem to be the hard ones for me at any point in time. I find it difficult to understand why if my child wants her paci so bad, why on Earth does she keep spitting it out and making me put it back in?? Patience. I know it's needed, after all, she is a newborn... That smile she gives me after spitting it out for the 72nd time is not on purpose. It's pure coincidence... Gas and good timing right? :)

I didn't make a New Years resolution for 2015. Sometimes, I forget the year even changed. I'm in my own little mommy/Mollie world and not being at work I never write the date...  maybe my resolution should be to ask God to help me work on the fruits of the Spirit that don't come as easily as the others. Patience with the baby. Patience with myself. Patience with others. Self control with my patience. Self control... What sticks out in my mind is eating.. You mean I can't eat the entire can of cinnamon rolls and all the sonic milkshakes anymore?? Booooo. :)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 
Galatians 5:22-23

Notice the paci?? 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The new normal...

I decided to let my (new) life settle and the holidays come and go before posting again. So, here goes...

It's January 7, a Wednesday, I would normally be 2 days into the second semester of school and I would no doubt be in bed, if not already asleep, preparing for work tomorrow. Instead, I sit, rocking my newborn to sleep. I say sleep, it's more of a very short cat nap before she eats again. And let's be honest, bedtime doesn't begin until the 11:00ish meal. :) 

As I sit here, rocking Mollie, having just finished the book "On the night you were born," ( it's her favorite... "Goodnight Moon" didn't interest her at all) I can't help but think about the life that has become my new normal. As a person who LOVES to sleep... I'm talking I've been grounded from taking naps... I never thought I could survive waking up numerous times to give a bottle to a baby. And let me tell you, nothing in this world can make you as sleepy as an infant, drifting into a slumber, while drinking a bottle. I literally have to tell myself not to fall asleep. 

My new normal consists of white noise instead of my fan because I don't want her to be cold. It consists of washing bottles... All the parts (gas relief) all the time. My new normal had me sitting in the bath tub while my child was in her seat in the bathroom because Ben had to run to the store...

My new normal makes me sleepy a lot, makes me confused and worried most of the time, and sometimes it makes me frustrated, but, it makes me thankful ALL the time. My new normal lets me listen to my husband sing Rocky Top to our infant at 1:00 in the morning when she doesn't want to sleep. It lets me FaceTime with my parents every night because they love being Buggy and Teta to their grandchildren and they miss Mollie even though she's only 5 mins down the road. But most importantly, my new normal lets me get a glimpse of Heaven. Because only God could create something so beautifully and wonderfully made as my baby girl. And God will allow me to be frustrated and confused and worried throughout my new normal life and He will understand and not judge. He has given me the new name of "Mom," and there is no other thing in this world I would rather be. 

Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, o my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Psalm 1:46-1-2