The day was good. It was all that I could hope for. My daughter was happy when I dropped her off and happy when I returned. She had three bottles, two naps, and one fit. My kids at work were good. I actually had fun teaching today. I hope they did too. We are learning addition (Insert crazy shocked face.).
Anyways, the day was good. Then, my friend, Holly, sent me a hateful link to a blog. Okay, so it wasn't hateful. It's sweet. And perfect. And it's exactly what I've been trying to put into words. But, I cried. So that was hateful. :) Basically, the article is about the "big feelings" we have as mom. Big love, fear, gratitude, doubt...big time. This mama was spot on. You have all of these feelings as a person. But they grow so strong as a mama. I can only imagine that they grow with each child. The biggest of all? The love. I talked about it recently, but it's so overwhelming that it's hard to comprehend. It hurts. The love hurts. That's how you know it's real. That's how you know it's big.
When I pulled out of the babysitters driveway this morning, my heart ached. I needed one more kiss. I needed another day. Even when I lay her in bed at night... I secretly look forward to 5 am when she wakes up and comes to my bed to cuddle. I know that soon I will blink and she will be going to her own classroom where she will learn how to add... Or worse, how to drive.
Gracious. I wish I had a pause button.
Thank you Jen Hatmaker, for putting my feelings into words that make them make sense. And a big thanks to those of you that have thought about and prayed for me and Mollie on our journey to a new normal. Keep them coming. 18 years or so sound good? :)
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." -Isaiah 41:13