But in all seriousness... if I am being honest, my very little down time is spent aimlessly scrolling, texting friends back (sometimes...I really suck at that lately), and trying to sleep before the soon to be middle kid wakes up, or the elderly dog needs out...again.
But now. Now I have ALL the down time. We went on spring break and BAM, we aren’t returning until at least April 27th. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted some snow days. But not like this. “The Rona” pandemic is much more than we asked for, much more than anyone asked for.
I want to take a second and thank all of the “essentials” that are still up and running. You guys are the real MVPs. And all the ones out of jobs for now, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I love my service industry, hair, and nail friends, and so many more! To the gym people, you’re kicking ass and taking names online and it is proof that nothing can get us down.
I feel for the immune deficient friends and family and ones that I don’t even know that are suffering in unimaginable ways right now. Heck, even all of you who didn’t go into education that are now being forced to learn how we do what we do when we do (it.) (SOMEONE tell me they caught my Salt n Pepa reference there!) It’s not for the faint of heart, I tell ya!
But what I really want to talk about, is how it feels to be pregnant or expecting in some sort of way during this. I’m carrying my third child, from the get go my anxiety has been worse than ever before. So much so that I talked with my doctor and didn’t get off my meds because I didn’t think I could handle it. But now this. To be honest, I wasn’t scared of Covid-19. I followed the guidelines and hoped for the best, and then things started getting messier and I was able to read the severity of it all. In the US, pregnant women aren’t considered to be in the same “at risk” category as the elderly and autoimmune or immune deficient folks. And for that, I am somewhat glad, but every day there’s something new to learn about. This virus seems to be mutating. And to me, that is frightening. The unknown and the waiting is so much to take in and sometimes too much to take at all. Baker was tested for immune deficiencies and it came back fine, but if you’ve followed us at all, you know that kid gets the most random stuff. So I’m worried. And I’m worried about if I get it. And can it affect my baby or will it possibly mutate where it will affect the baby? And what if this is all still happening when I deliver the baby? I have big plans of going natural, but in my head, Ben, my mom, and Erica (doula bff) would all be there to help me through that. And as of right now, that wouldn’t be the case. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I have a lump in my throat and I cry pretty much every night around 7:00 with absolutely zero reasoning except I’m anxious and scared and tired and out of my comfort zone here. I guess what I’m saying is, if you’re scared or anxious, whoever you may be, solidarity. We don’t need to reason with it. We need to cast it all on Jesus. Because He already knows the outcome.
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
