Sunday, July 23, 2017

A letter to my first born before my second is born...


In a very short amount of time, our family will welcome a sweet, squishy, baby boy. And just like that, I will take your beautiful world and inevitably turn it upside down. The mixed emotions of joy and pain fill me up. I see glimpses of the big sister you will be when you take care of your dolls and read them bed time stories. My heart melts knowing that you are a "mama bear" and that you will love and protect him.  At the same time, my heart aches knowing you will no longer get my undivided attention. The only attention you've ever known. 


I need you to know that you're my person. You're the one that made me "mom." You're the first to hear my heartbeat on the inside. You will always be my baby girl. 


I'm equally as torn knowing Baker will never have the undivided attention I once gave you. But he won't know the difference. You will. 


My biggest prayer for you is for a tiny bit of  understanding. It's bound to be an understanding that I think you're too young to fully be capable of, but I pray that you know that my heart bursts with pride for you. That even though I may seem more distant in a few weeks, my mind is always on you. And I will help you grow into you're new and important role as "big sister" of our family. 


I look forward to my plans of weekly mommy/daughter dates that I hope we continue until you go off to college and then some. 


I know you will have questions. I know you may want to send him back. I promise to try and take those days one moment at a time... giving you the benefit of the doubt. 


You are going to do great things. I thank God for the time we've had as a family of 3. And I can't wait to see how He uses you when we become a family of 4. 


Until then... I will snuggle you as often as I possibly can. I will watch Moana or Barbie with you one thousand times a day. I will let you nap with me and I will let you eat popsicles for lunch...


You are my sun. My moon. And all of my stars. 


I love you.