Sunday, April 26, 2015

Becoming my new me...

It's been a while since a, ya know? Also, I've wanted to write this blog for a while now but I was unsure how to do so without coming across as bragging or boasting.  That's not what I want this to be about at all.  If you read it that way, I apologize in advance.  

Let me preface this by stating that new moms or even not so new moms that are sleep deprived and/or dealing with a fussy child... You may hate me.  It's okay.  I understand and accept it.  I would hate me too.  

I have not heard my child cry since last Monday.  Last. Monday.  And do you want to know why she cried then?  She got 3 shots in her leg because she turned 4 months old.  

See?  I told you.  You can hate me, it's totally fine.  

My child is a rockstar and we totally get each other which prevents a lot of knock down drag out fits... Don't get me wrong, motherhood (even without a fussy baby) is super hard work.  You pretty much have to be on your A game at all times.  But, because Mollie is so good, she's allowed me the time to reflect on something... She has allowed me to become the person I have always wanted to be.  I know that sounds cheesy. It's totally true. 

She allows me to be confident in myself, my life, my role as a mother, my role as a wife, and my faith. I can be confident in all of these things and in the struggles that go along with each. 

She has taught me to be okay with alone time.  I have NEVER been a fan of alone time.  I am able to appreciate it now. I want to be with or around her 99.9% of the time, but I'm okay with the random moments of pure quietness.  I am thankful for them.  

She has allowed me to (how do I say this without sounding crazy...) give my very amazing and patient husband some space.  Not only do I want to be with MK, I have ALWAYS wanted to be around Ben.  He isn't just my husband...he is my best friend.  Even if I was the only girl around, I wanted to be with him and his friends...our friends.  I have realized that just like mama needs time to herself, daddy does too, and shockingly, I'm okay with it.  I honestly think it is important every now and then.  

Mollie has shown me a love that can only be described has Heavenly.  I think I have said that before.  I cannot comprehend being able to love something this much and having the room in my heart to do it over and over again, but I am so glad that it is possible.  

My silly little 4 month old that loves to talk, watch PeekaBoo, and grab her toes, shows me a glimpse into Heaven every single day.  She will never fully know how grateful I am for her.  In 4 short months she has already transformed my life for the better. 
Thank you, sweet girl.  Thank you. Mommy loves you to the moon and back.

"Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn, on the wonderful, marvelous, night you were born."

Sunday, April 12, 2015

The difference in one year..

On this date, exactly one year ago, I found out I was pregnant with our first child. I remember it like it was yesterday. I spent the morning shopping for bridesmaid dresses for Jessie's wedding and I didn't feel normal.  I assumed it was all the wine that was consumed the night before because I wasn't late yet.  We were lucky and had only been trying for a few months.  It was a Saturday, I told myself I wasn't going to take a test until Tuesday... I lied. That second line popped up on the test and I was in disbelief.  Even after only a few months you get used to getting your hopes up.  I snapped a pic (obvi) and took it in the living room to Ben.  I imagined all of the ways I would tell my husband I was pregnant... Walking in the living room with a shocked face was not one of them.  I couldn't keep it in.  I tied a ribbon on it and we walked around the corner to the Harmans and I presented it to Kathy as a gift. (Courtney and Mary Beth may or may not have known before I ever left the bathroom) Anywho... Mom and dad were out of town for what seemed like an eternity so I was able to get some onesies made to give to my parents and his mom as an Easter happy. 

Long story short. 

My world was changed on April 12, 2014. The journey seemed like an eternity and the ending was bumpy... But 249 days later I was given the most precious gift.  I am in awe every second I look at her. She is a smiley sweet baby girl, even when she isn't.  My Mollie Kate is a one of a kind doll face.  I am so lucky to be her mom.  

But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "You are my God."
Psalm 31:14