As of right now, we have 18 days or less until our precious and wonderfully made gift from God joins our family. The emotions have begun to overwhelm me. I imagine that they really hit hard when one of my bestie's gave birth to her sweet baby boy two days ago on December 2nd. We have been on this crazy journey of first time pregnancy together. Our due date's were/are exactly 21 days apart. Literally, we have been able to talk about the entire process, the good, the bad, and the really ugly. And the second I saw sweet Sam, I melted into a big pile of mush and hormones. I've been around babies my whole life, but experiencing one in the midst of growing your own really changes things. Pregnancy has been the biggest roller coaster I've ever been on. The whole process is the craziest, most magical thing... I honestly don't know how someone doesn't believe in God after learning all of the things the body does to prepare and grow a child. At the same time, it is very frightening. I find myself questioning things that I would never question. Example: Getting on a school bus to go on a field trip. I practically didn't sleep for the two days before our field trip this week all because I would not be in control of the drive. Of course if anyone has kept up with the news of the bus situations here in old M town... you probably wouldn't blame me for being a bit nervous.
Today has been so crazy for me. I have cried at anything and everything. I cried over not waking up early, which led to not getting breakfast like I planned, which led to me calling mom to go get me something... Apparently, when a pregnant person gets hungry... hormones kick into overdrive and throw the whole day for a loop! I finally got some breakfast in me and I still cried. I think I hid it well, because none of the twenty 4 and 5 year olds that I teach saw me. So, thats success in itself. I think the problem is that I am getting impatient. I am ready to meet this baby girl. I am ready to love on her and kiss her face. I am ready to see my husband become the most incredible dad in the world... because I know he will be. Don't get me wrong, I am terrified... but I am so ready. And selfishly, I am ready for her to be out of my body. :)
I know that she will be here at God's perfect timing. But really understanding that is hard to do. My devotion for the day says:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55: 8-9
So for now, I will thank the Lord for the few nights of sleep I have left, for the few days that I can protect this baby girl inside me, and for the true miracle that comes with the chance to be her mother. And I will remember, He doesn't mind if I cry. He created my hormones...He totally gets it.
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