Did I love her enough today?

A week long Thanksgiving break is coming to an end. It came right after a week full of illness. So we have had an extreme amount of family time. 

During said time, Mollie Kate has become an official stage 5 clinger. 

She’s always wanted me near by, but in the past 12 days, she has basically become another body part to me. And here’s the kicker, she’s not always nice. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Like she wants to be next to me, but she’s mad at me for who knows what. 

Girl, bye. 

All day long, I’m lost on how to parent her. I’m tired, I’m hungry, I miss my shows, I miss taking a bath without her sitting by the tub...and I know she HAS to feel my anxiety and hear the horrible selfish tone in my voice. 

And then she lays down in bed, and she cuddles and we laugh and talk...and I walk out of the room thinking, “Did I even love her enough today?” And tonight, like many other nights, I feel myself fall short. She and her brother and their dad are every single beat of my heart. My world. But I know for certain I don’t show it. I know my frustration gets the best of me. I know I am selfish. I know I fight back with a 3 year old and just make the issue (whatever it may be at the time) that much bigger.  

I just hope that when she goes to bed at night, she remembers the laughter and cuddles over the frustration and tiredness of her selfish mama. I hope she knows she is the reason I breathe and also my fresh air...even when I don’t show it. What slows my anxiety is knowing that she was created in God’s image, and He sees the good...so hopefully she does too. 

We are all just out here doing our best. Even if our best at the time is not our actual best. 

Keep your love for one another at full strength, because love covers a multitude of sins. -1 Peter 4:8

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. -Proverbs 14:1